“If You’re Full, You Can Leave The Table.”
Last week, a fellow early childhood educator mentioned an issue with a family in her daycare centre. She told that the family had requested for an educator to sit with their little girl at mealtimes and not allow her to leave the table until she had finished all the food served to her, regardless the time it could take. In short: the girl was to be forced to eat.
I myself have terrible childhood memories of having to eat all the food put in front of me before I was allowed to leave the table! I remember the feeling of having a big lump of food in my mouth that I kept on chewing, not wanting to swallow. I can still actually feel it when I think of it!! I am only now starting to get rid of the habit, so ingrown within me, of keep eating even when I feel full. For more than forty years of my life I overate at countless meals for not allowing myself to “leave the table before I had finished my dinner”!
In this post, I want to address three issues – not all, just three – with applying rules such as the above:
Issue #1 – Hunger and fullness signals are overrun
We are born with a natural ability to know when it is time to eat (hunger) and when it is time to stop eating (fullness). But, we do get conditioned to external control, which is mostly driven by adults’ expectations, and then we ‘un’learn that natural ability. So, trying to control a young child’s appetite, when their self-regulatory systems are still forming, can lead to eating disorders and overweight later in life.
Issue #2 – Negative emotions related to mealtimes
When the child has repeated negative, unpleasant experiences at meals, they associate those feelings with eating and mealtimes. They will start avoiding it and refusing foods, even some foods they enjoyed in the past. This is what most of us call “fussy eating”. And it can develop into eating disorders as well.
Issue #3 – Undermines child’s sense of agency
By not allowing the child to express their wants and needs, we curb their sense of agency and confidence to take control of their eating. This could make them anxious around mealtimes and aggravate fussy eating and food refusal episodes.
We must remember that adults should be in charge of feeding and let the children be in charge of their eating. This means that parents and other caregivers are responsible for providing what is appropriate for the child and enough quantity of it. The child is responsible for how much they are going to eat from what is on offer and even if they want to eat at all.
When the adult trusts the child’s ability to decide what and how much to eat, without interference, without pressure, the child feels free to express their appetite and will respond positively. This may mean they will eat less than you expected or maybe not even touch the sweet corn cob you were sure they would love, but if the meal ends with smiles or at least without tantrum, be rested that your child has had enough and is satisfied, nourished. That’s a successful meal!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with simply saying “If you’re full, you can leave the table.”
References
Parent Food-Related Behaviours and Family-Based Dietary and Activity Environments: Associations with BMI z-Scores in Low-Income Pre-schoolers. (Study, 2020, USA). Lenna L. Ontai, Carolyn Sutter, Stephanie Sitnick, Mical K. Shilts, and Marilyn S. Townsend
Family environmental factors influencing the developing behavioural controls of food intake and childhood overweight. (Study, 2001, USA). Birch LL, Davison KK
Improving Preschoolers’ self-regulation of energy intake. (Study, 2000, USA). Johnson S. L.
Picky eating in children: causes and consequences. (Study, 2019, UK). Taylor CM and Emmett PM
Secrets of feeding a healthy family. (Book, 2008, USA). Ellyn Satter
