The Reasons for Worry and Fuss at Dinner
I love that saying that goes something like this “Do your best with what you know now. When you know better, you do better. I love that saying because I admit being guilty in the past of proudly claiming I knew that the reason for children to be fussy eaters was their parents who allowed them to develop bad eating habits.
Although that is true in most cases, I now – well, for over five years - know better, so I do a better judgment of the reasons children fuss about what they eat and the reasons their parents - and educators, I must add - allow them to develop bad eating habits. And I don’t judge anyone for being caught in that vicious cycle. I’ll explain…
In a previous article, I mentioned The Worrying Cycle conceptualised by Dr. Katja Rowell in her book Feed Me, Love Me that describes a common process in which worry is developed after a single or a few episodes of struggle at the dining table. Without properly addressing that struggle, the process repeats over-and-over until it overwhelms all those involved.
Mothers, new ones in particular, learn to mother from other mothers. Their own or their partner’s or any other mother (yeah, internet and social media mothers count too!). And those more experienced mothers have a lot of wisdom to share. Things like “Kids have to eat something at every meal”. Something, anything. They shouldn’t be allowed to leave the table on an empty stomach. This is a common advice and also a common stressor for mothers when the baby doesn’t eat.
Also, there’s the lack of understanding that human beings aren’t born knowing how to chew and handle solids in our mouths. These are learned skills and, like any other skill, learning to eat takes time and practice*.
Children must eat "something" at every meal, right?
So, when a new mum starts to introduce solids to a weaning baby, a few things can happen:
1. The baby may simply take the food, put it in their mouth and eat it. This usually happens because the baby has seen mum or dad or other people they trust eating that. So, the baby knows that “that thing” is to put in their mouth and move their jaws. They also know that it happens when they, themselves, are feeling hungry. So, perhaps that new thing (new food) is meant to stop feeling hungry. Or
2. The baby may not show interest in it at all and urge for their bottle or breast instead. This can happen when the baby isn’t yet ready for solid foods. This can also happen when situation #1 hasn’t happened, so the baby doesn’t know that that thing is for eating. Or
3. The baby may interact with the new food, touch it, play with it, throw it about, but not eat it. This usually happens because the baby doesn’t yet know how to eat it. Or they may not even know it is food at all if #1 hasn’t happened, but they are curious enough to explore it anyway. Or
4. The baby may explore it, like in situation #3, even put the food in their mouth and then spit it out and not eat it. This is probably because the taste and feel in the mouth is still too new and strange. Which is very normal and expected.
5. The baby may start eating it and, as they practice and experiment with a few of ‘brand new’ set of muscles and learn how to use old ones in a completely different way to manage solid foods, gagging may happen. This is normal and not dangerous. It’s a reaction to trying to swallow a food that isn’t ready to be swallowed. So, the baby gags to bring the food back to the mouth to chew it more. Sometimes, the baby will even spit the food out. Usually, these episodes aren’t a big deal for the baby and they simply try again.
There are many other reasons babies won’t start happily eating everything offered to them like when there’s certain developmental issues, but I’ll stop here because today I want to discuss only the most common reasons for fussy eating. Trust me, this topic is almost endless and we need to draw a line for the sake of your own time to spare to read this article. 😉
So, from the situations I described above, you can have a clearer idea of the reasons a mother or other caregiver may become wary or hesitant about feeding in the first months of weaning their babies.
The struggle is real.
The mother may have a strong reaction to the “not eating” situations and try to “fix it” by
1. Not offering those foods anymore with fear of a choking episode. Choking is when something is stuck in a baby’s throat, impeding breathing. That is life-threatening and prevents the baby from making sounds. Whereas gagging is noisy, showing that the baby can breathe and air is coming out of their lungs.
2. Force-feeding because they believe the child has to eat something or because the baby is at the age they must be weaned or any other reason.
3. Assuming their baby doesn’t like this or that food.
Her behaviour will affect the way the baby behaves when food, any food or certain foods, are presented.
The baby may
1. Become equally wary of certain foods if there was a big reaction and fuss when they were first offered that;
2. Forget they liked the taste of a certain food because it was simply not offered anymore. This can lead to a long period of re-introducing that food all over again;
3. Not have the chance to learn to like certain foods that aren’t offered at all or not often enough;
4. Become averse to mealtimes altogether because of pressure to eat.
An official fussy eater.
This is roughly how most cases of avoidant eating start and then perpetuates, in a sort of vicious cycle, if not addressed appropriately. These families need supportive opportunities to be educated about how to break it. Parents are doing the best they can with what they know to make sure their baby is getting good nutrition.
Early education services can be a fantastic source of support to these families by (1) providing them with evidence-based resources and (2) educating their staff in how to handle feeding challenges in their service.
Eat Play Learn Nutrition can help with both. We offer Information Sessions for families and Workshops for staff in early education services. Check it out or get in contact with your questions.
When we know better, we do better and, as a consequence, children eat better. 😊
*Picky Eaters vs Problem Feeders: The SOS Approach to Feeding. (Conference, 2022, Brisbane). Dr. Kay Toomey, Dr. Erin Ross and Susan Kniffen
